♥ For The Shites, Love And Fun

-

2009-09-07T21:33:00.002+08:00

let me introduce you to a better introspective and sentiments -

eccentricbrat.tumblr.com

everyone's moving on to tumblr, so am I.

Goodbye Drama.

2009-09-01T22:04:00.001+08:00

This will be my 869th entry. Not quite a nice combination of numbers, but I can't wait any further. I have to bid this space goodbye. This closure, is very much unplanned because I never thought I would leave this space for good. I attempted to use Livejournal, which is a little complex and I can't get the hang out of it. So the account, is only useful, to read Azza's LJ.

I’ve been using blogger for almost 5 years. So long that I choose not to make my archives available, cause it’s almost my entire life story in here.

But now I’m no longer here.

I'll introduce the new space sooner or later.

Love, N.

Pouting & The Hidden Connotations

2009-08-28T21:09:00.000+08:00

Today, I learned another meaning for pouting. And you wouldn't want to know what it means in literary terms. (HAHA)

Anyways, breaking fast with the girls in school was worth the sacrifice. We had Pizza Hut and it's the 3rd time I'm having it for this week.

Love, N.

The Stalled Engine

2009-08-26T21:44:00.001+08:00

Few days ago, it was the threshold to Ramadhan. I haven't find the time to come online and wish happy ramadhan to everyone. I know this is a little too late, but here it goes : Selamat menyambut bulan Ramadhan to everyone.

And my main purpose of updating, is not solely to say that. Heh.

I haven't been online for quite some time. I see no purpose really. Facebook and blogger are still giving me problems and these are the 2 websites that I visit the most whenever I'm online. Plus, I am pleased to just deposit my sentiments in a small-scale spot. After all, it needs to be sheltered from unnecessary comments.

I believe that I'll come back soon when the engine starts working again.

Love, N.

What's Zupdog?

2009-08-20T14:12:00.003+08:00

And all it need was a condemning post to actually spark out uncalled for controversies. Then again, 2 evil don't sums up to a good. So kudos to you, who claimed that you know me so well to make judgements, when you can't even spell out my name properly. ;)

Love, N.

Game Of Sleep

2009-08-17T20:23:00.001+08:00

I had a cute dream of my mum, having a blue RXZ.

Love, N.

17th Saturday

2009-08-16T20:35:00.001+08:00

There are plenty of pictures that I want to upload - from Nazreen and friends worth of $10 gig plus Irfan/KakLenny/AnBan mini birthday affair at East Coast in the afternoon today. But thanks to Blogger, I can only describe the events in words. Which wouldn't be as exciting, but I'll try my best. Hehe.

Yesterday, I went into what I call the "pekak room" again with Nazreen and friends. 2nd time, and I'm getting the hang of it. They performed well last night and it was worth every penny spent to watch someone get all hyperactive and decided to climb onto the drum set. I didn't see it coming really. Then again, it's their last gig before national service do them apart. So, well done guys. Never thought I'll actually post in details about the performance, cause I am the number one fan of Anti The (band's name). MUAHAHAHAHA.

Later that night, I decided to take up some initiatives to meet up with Happy Turtles ( new found name, same old glory ) without Najib cause he's in Bangkok now. We watched a midnight movie - Orphan and ended up scaring the wits out of ourselves.

And today, I went to east coast for a birthday celebration. The term is extreme. But what we had today, is nothing close to it. It's more of a small family get-together session and I really enjoyed it. ;)

No pictures = Story Telling Sessions. Pictures definitely tell a thousand words.

Love, N.

Solitude.

2009-08-13T19:20:00.000+08:00

I almost forget what it feels like because it has been very long since I encounter it. For the past few days, it has been my greatest companion. And the "confinement" period was the most pleasant hours I've had through out the entire week.

Still, no closure.

Love, N.

Voldermort

2009-08-11T19:17:00.002+08:00

From the day I found out, till this very day, I am still not done thinking with what is going on in your head ; for you to actually draw such conclusion about me. With a closing statement, or I hope it is - that I am a potential life ruin-er. You make me look like Voldermort- famous for the wrong reasons. If I have the potential to ruin other's life, you ought to meet my ex-boyfriend then. Honestly, where did all that come from? As far as I'm concerned, I never stepped in your line before. Not even close to it. So why do I have to be the Voldermort here? What are your justifications, really? I almost choked on my Pizza upon hearing what you said to other(s). Well thank you. You've changed my perception of school 180 degrees and thanks to you, I can't enjoy being in school.

If killing isn't a crime, you'll be the first I shoot. Next will be the bitter one, who I assumed triggered all this nonsense.

Love, N.

Dream

2009-08-10T12:37:00.000+08:00

I just feel like sharing this ;

I'm currently listening to Dream by Priscilla Ahn and I got it on repeat.

Prior to the song, my only dream right now is to do well for A's next year. For now, I can't seem to devote myself in any particular aspects. I'm easily satisfied and content and I don't seem to yearn for anything more. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever get out of this niche - the comfort zone, if I'll ever venture out and take the risk, if I'll ever meet new people and are willing to accept them as friends. Not quite crucial to think about right now really. As usual, there's more important things to think about at this point - like all the assignments that's due tomorrow.

I shall start working on it, or I'll procrastinate and the day ended with guilt.

Love, N.

070809

2009-08-10T11:22:00.006+08:00

So I put in extra effort to upload the pictures on Photobucket first cause Blogger's still giving me problems and I can't seem to upload pictures of Kak Didi's Solemnization and Wedding.

Here it goes, enjoy!

Love, N.

Let Go

2009-08-05T20:15:00.001+08:00

I took it in my stride, and let it go.

Alhamdulilah, my patience served me well again.

Love, N.

Hello August

2009-08-02T16:36:00.001+08:00

I've only 50 percent of energy left on the battery and I'm only a quarter done for Mrs Jellyby's analysis. And my intentioned desire was to complete the whole 3 essays which are due tomorrow and the next subsequent days. Not to mention my laptop have been giving me unnecessary problems for the past hour and I have to restart it a few times to finally get it to function without hanging. So much assignments and there's only 4 Sundays in a month. I think I ought to reserve some Fridays and Saturdays for a date with Farahly in the library, cause really even with 96 hours per month ; automatically reserved for assignments, I still can't get it done on time. Or at least, I can cut down on the passive appearance with the plastic(s).

sidetrack -

Farahly : Is it okay if I sleep?

-.- and so far, she has only typed the question out.

On top of that, I get to see a little bit of everyone yesterday. A little bit of the male-version of babygirls, babygirls and brother bears plus Nazreen and the band (refusing to include the band's name here prior to what we talked about in the car last night, heh). Not to mention, I bumped into Indonesia last night. I wouldn't want to call that a catch up because the only question he asked was "So have you gotten a boyfriend?"

And all that sums up to a very, very tiring Saturday since I was already at Choa Chu Kang as early as 8, reminiscing inessential memories and was at Buona Vista at 8.30 am, ironically paying no attention to the lecture when it is supposedly very useful to today's context about Malays.

Love, N.

UGG Boots

2009-07-28T17:49:00.000+08:00

I've been hibernating myself since yesterday. And I got so bored that I decided to walk around the house in the UGG boots i got myself for Christmas 2 years ago. Hehe. And still waiting for Mr Producer to finish touching up on his Cinta Di Tokyo music video. I can't wait to show it to Irah and Zul cause they enjoy the song so much.

Love, N.

Where Art Thou?

2009-07-27T11:30:00.001+08:00

I'm in the library right now, using Farahly's laptop and surprisingly, blogger seems to be perfectly fine on her laptop.

But just as I'm able to blog again, I've lost my muse.

Love, N.

Literature.

2009-07-23T18:28:00.003+08:00

There is something wrong with blogger. Everytime I decide to post something, the page will be disorder. I'm not using this as a reason for not updating. But I've been really busy with deadlines. Deadlines which can be compromised. -.- On Tuesday night, I remembered struggling for a few hours trying to complete my literature essay only to note that 1. we can/are encouraged to write in point form. 2. my tutor was in a good mood to extend it to Friday. Tuesday was by far the most grouchiest day in the month of July. I can just snap at anyone.

On top of that, I finally get to have enough rest today cause I ended relatively earlier than usual. Hehe.

Love, N.

-

2009-07-19T00:44:00.002+08:00

I'm seeing all the dreadful "adventures" in relationships right now. Yet, I'm not even close to one. After the bad experience I had in the previous one, I knew I needed a break from all the hurt and drama. Even though I don't quite enjoy the flying solo part, I can't deny the fact that I appreciate the absence of hurt and drama in the lack of a relationship. I've always seen it as an excuse to cop out from a difficult situation. But now that I'm actually going through it, I don't need justifications anymore. On the contrary, sometimes in life we ought to take the risk. Rather to remain complacent at a certain state without excitements or experiences to learn from.

Love, N.

90 Dollars Friday

2009-07-18T02:26:00.003+08:00

As random as today was, it cost our dear friend Najib 90 dollars. But every minute of it was worth it, except the part where they decide to shake my head so hard. They're deprived of childhood really, so they see me as a real life doll. I spent my Friday evening with the male version of my babygirls - reason for saying this is because babyboys sound a little disgusting. Plus, they're a little too huge to be called baby. We just had to stand around, with ciggerattes in their hand, except for me cause I've quitted since almost 3 months ago, wasted close to 20 minutes, to finally come up with a plan. Which was to sheesha and none of us wanted to take the train cause we wanted to take Najib for granted. HAHA, no. We looked so slack and we thought it was so uncool. We weren't cool to begin with, but Afiq claims that he is. I never liked to go into details on what happened in a day when I blog, but today is an exception cause it's been awhile since all of us went out together and have fun. Definition of went out together in our context is, outside woodlands, away from RP, not under my block or in my hall and not at Civic Centre either. Hehe.

And I forced Najib to take a shot of this picture because coincidentally, there's 4 Happy Turtles~

I love my male version of babygirls - Afiq, Najib & Ayie.

Love, N.

Girls = Noodles

2009-07-14T19:52:00.009+08:00

Yesterday, there were 2 lessons. Malay was converted to project discussion. Since it was made compulsory to have a boy in the group, Fairoz had to suffer with the presence of Faranah, Farahly and I. In contrast with the prior entry, women correspond well with noodles. Yesterday was one of the most solid and valid example that enhances the comparison. During the project discussion, we couldn't particularly stick to the supposedly topic of discussion. We diverted our attentions to other issues seamlessly. Everytime we decide to focus on a particular strand of noodle we'll end up switching to the other and this reflect on the way we think. That's how our mind works. We always connect anything to everything. As a result, our group barely touches anything on the project. As a matter of fact, I got to know Faranah's aunty's name and Fairoz's cousin name which is very much redundant to the project, yes? We have the tendency to mix everything up and if we're not careful, we'll messed it up.

On top of that, my 10 minutes train ride to school today felt like forever. I saw someone who completely looked like the ex boyfriend. With that, I formed a conflict within myself. All the possible thoughts of why he was there overwhelm my mind. Even my attempt to switch my attention to the block tests results that might be realesed today was fruitless.

I think, I think too much.

Love, N.

I Love Waffles

2009-07-12T13:20:00.003+08:00

I remember reading somewhere that men are equated with waffles. At first, I thought of it as an absurd equation, but as time goes by, I've begin to pick up the essential reasons behind the statement. Like how waffles are made of tiny squares with a wall of separation in between each squares. And that somehow reflect exactly on how they think. In squares and boxes. Issues in each of the squares are very individualistic. They cater to each squares as it is. Just like how they can play soccer and soccer would mean everything at that very moment. Unlike us, we often relate anything to everything. That's why we're complex and hard to understand. To an extent that sometimes, we find it hard to understand ourselves. That's happening to me. I can't seem to understand how I'm feeling right now.

Anyways, 5 things I ought to do -

Pick up a good book and read. I haven't been touching books ever since I fell in love and fall out of love, I haven't read any. That's almost a year for now. Books are one of the best way to keep myself occupied, and tone down all the thinking process which leads to stressing up. I'm good at avoiding reality. Hehs. Next, I must curb the spendings. I know retail therapy is love and is the most orgasmic therapy for girls, but it's not love when you're broke and you'll end up thinking on how to spend the remainings when it's barely enough for your daily expenses. Tsk~ Third, I must get proper shoes cause according to Mum, the red sneakers I picked out from Zara's sale is not suitable. (This is a contradiction to the previous point, but I really need a pair of shoes for November) Forth, stop playing games and trying to hit my own high score cause games are very addictive and pretty much a waste of time when you're addicted to it! Fifth, fall out from the holiday mood and start preparing for promotionals which is 2 months away? ( Let's just keep this point in view first )

Love, N.

Online Quiz

2009-07-12T10:15:00.004+08:00

I don't know where to start. There are various of things that I feel like saying, yet I can't seem to bring it across. I actually took an online quiz cause I choose to believe that the online quiz has the potential to give a better judgement about me as compared to myself. When the quizzes are not even close to reliable. There are thousands of others who could have possibly taken it and for all I know, we have the same outcome. Tsk. I eventually stopped half way cause most of the questions are redundant and not applicable to me at all. Anyways, it's finally Sunday and the weekend felt really short. Partially because I feel so tired easily these days. If I'm given a choice, I can just sleep in all day long. Still adjusting to the long hours in school after the 1 month break. It's exhausting.

And ironically, I feel like going for a jog today.

Love, N.

Picture(s) Update!

2009-07-09T21:25:00.005+08:00

Friday Night - The view from cable car. Hehehe.

Saturday - Scrabble, Picnic, Luge.

I can't wait for the weekends and yes, I'm finally saying it.

Love, N.

Temporary Nightmare

2009-07-08T21:04:00.002+08:00

Econs lecture was as good as a Slipknot gig. There were head-bangings, and I was one of them. I was so sleepy that my head could just fall off anytime. Thank god that was the last lesson of the day and I survived. It's weird that I still feel sleepy during lessons when my sleeping patterns are back to normal. (I've been sleeping at wee hours during the holidays)

For the past couple of days, I have been having negative perspectives and stance deep within myself. It's more or less intricate. I've thought about it yet, I couldn't find the source to this darkness. The other half inside my body feels like assasinating the negativity. Then again, that wouldn't be a fair remark. Life's a complete balance of both and there's no way I can eliminate any part of it out of my own expedience. And I constantly remind myself that this is temporary. Cause we're not always lucky to land in places where happiness and joy awaits. Cause if everyone is lucky, there's nothing left to anticipate for. People that have walked in darkness, have seen the great light.

Love, N.

Kids

2009-07-07T21:06:00.002+08:00

It has only been a few weeks since I'm away from school, and yet I've lost my way around school. I practically walked around the entire J-block, looking for familiar faces from the class only to note that I'm supposed to be at the A-block instead. If I could remember correctly, last Tuesday, Kak Lenny and Abang Nofi were here for dinner and this time round, it's Acit and Abang Faizal. Hehe. Even though they will leave the house in a complete mess state, I love the company, especially when the kids are around. I love the kids to bits and pieces despite the fact that they vexed me with their behaviours, irregular tantrums and impractical wants.

And yes, still a problem uploading pictures. Goodness.

Love, N.

Monday Musing

2009-07-06T19:51:00.005+08:00

The last 2 weeks, I was really busy with exams. However, I managed to slot in a few meet-ups here and there with precious people. Maximising whatever time I have. There are also time where I decide to attend all the gatherings with aunties and uncles. Time is of the quintessence and crux at this very point of time. Tomorrow school is starting, and I anticipate for the new semester, somehow. Hoping that I'll focus more during tutorials and lectures, plus meeting datelines for assignments. Priorities are still the prime concern. Sometimes, I wish that there's more than 24 hours in a day. Despite the madness, I would not opt to trade the lunacy with anything in the world because I am enjoying and treasuring every moment of it.

This is my monday musing.

On top of that, I've waited for 1/2 hour for my pictures to be uploaded on Blogspot. Yet, no signs of it. Tsk. Will post pictures of the long weekend a.k.a short getaway after exams in Singapore next time then. Meanwhile, have a lovely week ahead.

Love, N.

-

2009-07-03T12:09:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, I don't quite understand what are the requirements to be a good friend.
And I hated the fact that Ayie's in camp right now cause it's the time that I need him the most.

And I'm sorry you've felt that way all along.
I will try my best to make things better all over again.

Love, N.

Angst

2009-07-01T19:00:00.002+08:00

Yes, I'm full of it today.

Partially because Malay paper was a torture inside the non air-conditioned room. On top of that, I need to curb my spendings on shopping (even when retail therapy work best) and taxi fares for November sake. Tomorrow's maths and then it's finally the end. Yeay!

Love, N.

Last Kiss

2009-06-30T16:32:00.002+08:00

2 papers down and I'm already all geared towards the end of the examinations. What more the weekend, cause someone promised that we'll be catching the sunrise. Promise is a tad too strong for a word, so let's say that he decided to catch the sunrise with me. Hehehe. Econs paper was alright. I had so much to write, or rather so much nonsense to write just to feel satisfied with myself and waste paper (just because when I use more than 1 foolscape for my essay, I'll be at ease). While literature was a drag, I swear. 3 freaking hours and 3 freaking essay and I almost stoned there not knowing what to write. My attempt of using more than 2 foolscape failed tremendously because I couldn't compose anything sensible at all! Even with 1 foolscape, I reiterate and made repetition on a few of my points, what more 2 or more foolscape? I think I'll end up going round and round in circles, only to note that I'll end up at the same point again. Goodness.

And with everyone, discussing answers after the paper, doesn't help at all. And looking at everyone holding on to their notes faithfully even minutes before the exams was even worse. While I could afford to spend 2 hours before Literature paper, leaving school and getting myself bubble tea to drink. MUAHAHAHA. Complacent much? Tomorrow's Malay Literature and I hope I won't screw up. :(

Listening to Pearl Jam - Last Kiss. Oh where oh where can my baby be~

Love, N.

Famous Amos Cookies

2009-06-28T20:40:00.003+08:00

Today, my holidays officially ended and tomorrow, my exams officially started. :(

I spent today flipping my notes religiously and desperately. When my exams are less than 24 hours away. Talk about major last minute studying. I've been reading Econs notes repeatedly, yet I'm still unsure if I actually digested any of the content. And all I need is to listen to Daniel Bedingfield's song to a minimum of 3 times to memorise 3/4 of the song. I hope the paper will be manageable, really. I need all the luck in the world right now. Not to mention, in the midst of my "mugging period", I couldn't resist the temptation to eat the famous amos cookies that someone decide to surprise me with, so I took the time to drop by Azza's place to pick up the bag of cookies. And, I know I'm supposed to share it with the rest, but I actually finished half of it already. Hehehehe.

On top of that, Happy 22nd Birthday Syamin Musa~

Love, N.

It's Late

2009-06-28T02:00:00.002+08:00

...and I still can't sleep.

Love, N.

Optimus Prime

2009-06-25T23:25:00.002+08:00

Someone officially claimed that Transformers are movies that should be watched with boy friends but he ended up watching it with me. Haha. I think I irritated him with a lot of questions like why is it like this, who is the bad guy, what if he dies. And thanks to me, he could not embrace every minute watching the robots fighting. To make things worst, there was this unpleasant smell in the cinema. The couple beside us was eating fish crackers and seaweed. -.-

But, I still enjoyed it. Despite the noisy shootings, despite the unpleasant fish market smell, despite not getting my famous amos cookies. HMPH~

Where is my optimus prime! :O

Love, N.

B.O.F over Exams

2009-06-24T14:33:00.004+08:00

I feel compelled to blog, but yet I can't seem to compose anything decent to post right now. There's a lot going on lately. Apart from watching or more like getting myself addicted to Boys Over Flowers, the famous Korean drama in the midst of my supposedly preparations for exams, I haven't been doing anything productive these days. I am still in the state of denial, hoping that school will close for one more week, but obviously this is not the case here. And I can't afford to let loose and remain complacent with what I choose to believe.

I was talking to bestfriend just now the follow-up consoling session from where we stopped last night. I was telling her how I felt and she gave me examples from her own experiences which eventually made me laugh because the way she console, is always funny. HAHA. But I eventually slept on it cause I believe, it was just one of the silly moments I had. Hehs.

Prior to the first sentence of this entry, maybe I do have something to say, but I can't cook up anything just yet.

Love, N.

Black Parade Saturday

2009-06-21T13:29:00.004+08:00

Even though it wasn't smooth sailing as some of the plans did not turned out as the initial plans, I had fun. The amount of effort put in to make it exquisite is magnificent. And we reiterate the fact that it's the quality that matters, not the quantity.

Love, N.

Moulin Rouge

2009-06-18T11:59:00.005+08:00

Come what may... come what may. I will love you, until my dying day!

Having a back to back Ballad night with Nazreen on MSN last night drove me to spent my first few hours of the day ogling at the scenes in Moulin Rouge. One of my favourites and one of the movies which has the potential to make us believe all over again how wonderful love is and it can be. Simultaenously, it also give us a cue of the traumatic and heartrending experiences when we lose the person we have sworn ourselves upon. The movie is cinematically and dramatically beautiful, I swear. Not to mention, the massive amount of great quotes used in the movie seems very substantial. Hehhs.

On top of that, Riah's Haikel is finally here after the long months of waiting. I hope you're happy B and please make full use of the time while he is in Singapore. :)

Love, N.

MCS Farewell Party

2009-06-17T23:10:00.002+08:00

...turned out great.

However, I'm really shagged. I've been going out conservatively ever since the holidays started. And I think I put on a few kilo(s) today. After the heavy feast at the party, like it wasn't enough, we decided to go to Jalan Kayu to eat again! Goodness~ 2 more days to the anticipated day. And I've decided to stay in tomorrow and Friday to study, or at least complete Disgrace and rest. Hehs.

Love, N.

I Love Patriotism

2009-06-15T20:11:00.003+08:00

I really do. I watched the classic Braveheart for the umpteenth time and cried for the umpteenth time at the part where Mel Gibson shouted Freedom instead of Mercy. And last night, I watched Hanover Street and almost cried when Harrison Ford lost his girl. I really love love in the midst of war. Even though war and love are 2 extreme separate ideas, somehow both ideas rely upon an apparent and perceptible contradiction. I love the combination, really. And no, I am not sadistic. I don't enjoy seeing people dying or hearts breaking. I just love the passion shown in love, and the patriotism portrayed in wars.

Dinner with the girls were fun, as usual. We all laughed at the crude jokes made. Badron got us pretty keychains from London. Eventhough mine's the longest and Azza's the roundest. Hahahaha. (This is very much an inside joke)

Love, N.

Monday Blue(s)

2009-06-15T13:11:00.002+08:00

And today, I thought it'll be a busy day, having to squeeze two plans together on a last minute account. But it turned out that the SG outing is canceled due to the rest, having other commitments. That leave me to a free and easy Monday. I'm half way through Disgrace and I shall continue today before I meet the girls for dinner later. I'm having fun endlessly only to note that exams are getting nearer. Exactly 2 more weeks as of today. I want to complete Disgrace by this week, or I shall never go out on Saturday.

Muahaha. And yes, it's only Monday, but I'm already thinking about Saturday.

Love, N.

The Prodigious Feeling

2009-06-14T22:14:00.004+08:00

Actually, I found a new space but am still contemplating on whether I should actually shift there, or it'll end up to be just one of those accounts left abandoned. Totally reflects on myself - very much afraid to leave comfort zone, eh? Sounds very much like shifting houses, cept that, in the case of virtual world, you always have a choice. Talking about choices, I made a choice to entertain the prodigious feelings. All it need is that choice, to let nature take it's course really. Cause what happens in the subsequent time, seem's rather mutual and decided.

So Saturday was spent well. Even though I was pretty afraid of cases of alienation, thankfully, I clicked well with "Vice Versa". Afterwhich we all decided to crash at Azza's - the best hangout spot ever and wait for our "transportation" home. Be it Twin's parents or Farhan ( also known as Rock Leggins Manager/Azza's Bf). I love you girls.

It was the 8th Saturday, and I'm loving it.

Love, N.

090608

2009-06-11T11:18:00.002+08:00

So last year on 9th June, I celebrated Yasin's 25th Birthday. My attempt at surprising him failed tremendously. Muahaha. And now this guy comes back, telling me that I am enigmatic while all this while, I thought I'm predictable.

Love, N.

Nazreen's 21st

2009-06-10T10:04:00.009+08:00

The Present(s)

Part I : Celebration with the girls and Farhan.

Part II : Carousel High Tea

Part III : Happy Hours @ Mind Cafe

Thank you Babygirls plus Brotherbears for everything, Azri and Syak who helped out in the planning, Faez, Az, Tasha Lee and Danial for coming. Thank you Uncle from peninsula who charged my camera's battery when it decided to die on me. If not, the pictures above will not be possible. Thank you Nazreen for thinking thrice before paitao-ing. HAHA. The overall celebration was not complete when Azza and Farhan, and Ayie is not around. :(

Andddddd, I got my first phonecall from Ayie eversince he's in camp. Awi called a couple of times, but I can't seem to get through him back. :(

Love, N.

8th June

2009-06-08T00:07:00.001+08:00

"We can talk about almost anything under the sun.
We can sing as though there's no tomorrow.
And we can repeatedly tell jokes to one another,
and laugh all over again."

Happy 21st Birthday.

Love, N.

Missing

2009-06-07T21:59:00.002+08:00

So my favourite twins are not online.
Bestfriend is in Australia.
Ayie's in camp.
Nadia is I dont know where.
You-know-who is on the way home.

This is very dangerous. Cause when I'm bored, I'll go for online shopping. But I promised the girls plus you-know-who that I will not shop for the next couple of months, or at least, this month. And it's only the 7th today! :(

On the flip side, it's 3 more hours to you-know-what. ;)

Love, N.

Ayie's 21st Birthday

2009-06-05T15:15:00.006+08:00

I know this is a little late. Ayie's 21st Birthday Surprise was pleasant, really. Thanks to Ariff and Nadia who helped out in the planning and thanks to everyone who turned up. I still remember the time when I got Ayie's jacket. That's the very same day when Nazreen and I had long walks from Cityhall to Kallang and then to Bugis and then we climbed the rooftop. All together with the heavy jacket. As much as I pretended to be okay, I was struggling with the weight of the jacket. HAHAHA.

As much as you'll miss Ariff and I the most, I'll be the one who misses you the most.
Take care in camp Ayie. :(

Love, N.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

2009-06-02T10:24:00.002+08:00

I'm glad I met up with the rest again yesterday night and thanks Afiq for supper! We had a pre-celebration with Ayie and amazingly, they didn't do the norm which is to beat him up. -.- Instead, we talked alot about Tioman. Hehhs. All the good times, yes? Except for the part where Firwan broke the bed and we had to pay! Goodness. Looking forward to our slack sessions. ;)

On top of that, Happy Birthday Ayie. I'm so sad that we can't spend time together today. Your sp boys more important whatttttttt.

Love, N.

My Noorazri Owen

2009-06-01T19:57:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is my favourite boy's 21st Birthday. Hehhs. I know it's a little to early to dedicate this entry for you, but I just can't wait any longer. I can never forget whatever we went through together! The part where I fought with your exgirlfriend cause she was mean to you (HAHA), the part where we saw someone's taik hidung dangling (?!), the part where I'll always ask you for your honest opinions, the part where you had to be the middle person between Haikel and I, the part where you meet me whenever my exboyfriend is a jerk, the part where you see pretty girls and you'll say "Atiiiiii. Lawa sia", the part where we took luge together for the first time with Nanad, the part where we had our countless of dates together. And trust me, there's really too much to mention. This year, it'll be different cause you're going NS. And as the date gets nearer, the intensity of the reality that I am losing you to Singapore gets stronger. And it gets harder for me to accept it that you won't be there for me 24/7 like how you are right now. You're forever picking up to my calls, anytime of the day. Nevertheless, I can't be selfish now can I? You'll be going through a new phase in life and I should be happy for you. Even though it's a little difficult, especially when you told me that you don't want to meet any of us for 2 months. :( But you have to meet me, okay? If you're a girl, you'll be one of my babygirls. If you're not my cousin, you'll be my bestest boyfriend. If you're a soccer player, you'll be my Michael Owen, cause Nazreen is Beckham already. If you're a store, you'll be Zara/F21. I love you NoorAzri Ramli and it's amazing how we became so close as years goes by.

Happy 21st Birthday.

And I promise you, when you've slimmed down, I'll find chicks for you okay. MUAHAHA.

Love, Nia.

-

2009-05-31T09:40:00.002+08:00

I'm glad I had the worst time of my life for the past 6 months.
If not, I wouldn't appreciate life better right now.

Love, N.

Keerana

2009-05-26T21:12:00.003+08:00

Credits to my Sorority life on Facebook and virtual character named Keerana, I haven't been productive in reality. I haven't been completing assignments on time and there's a pile that is long overdue. Yet, I remained complacent and at ease as non of the tutors are chasing after me. And just as I decide to get a little busy today during my long break, instead of stoning infront of Yj's basketaball notice board, the weather obliged to my decent intention. I was supposed to go to Popular for a little decoration shopping for MCS notice board, but the weather was rather condusive to sleep in.

On top of that, it's the last week of the term and then it's the much anticipated month of June! No, I'm not deprived of holidays ; I just havce amazing plans in June! ;)

And, I got a phone call from Brunei today.

Love, N.

And This Feeling Shall Last

2009-05-25T22:48:00.000+08:00

And this feeling shall last
This feeling shall last
We are proud to know to not to know
That we are strong enough to let it go
And this feeling shall last
This feeling shall last
I could be a thousand years apart
And you always have my heart

I am addicted to Backpacking Around Europe by Yuna.

Love, N.

Fragile Castle

2009-05-24T17:24:00.004+08:00

Beyond any doubt, I can prominently remember my "cocooning" period after the break up. I was living in a thick foggy grey period. Where I don't see any luxury in breathing. Not forgetting, the adaption phase when the past clouded the future. The aversion to the new surroundings, the inevitable natural tendency to question my intuition. It's part of the process, yes? That was then.

Now that I'm the queen of my own castle, I had guards as barriers. And all I needed was an incredibly mutual attachment, for me to shoot down my own guards. Amazingly, I did without realising it. So now, tell me what happens if there's no more guards to secure the fragile castle?

Love, N.

Goodbye

2009-05-24T10:04:00.003+08:00

It's only a matter of hours before Awi leaves for Brunei and only come back 1 year later.

and it's only a matter of hours before I lose someone close physically.

Love, N.

Nostalgic Tuesday

2009-05-19T19:32:00.003+08:00

And so, I never expect a decent Tuesday could be so nostalgic. The closest I have got to Yewtee after 3 months was going to ChoaChuKang Stadium to watch the Floorball match today. I can't deny the fact that I was almost emotionally deranged upon knowing that we had to go to ChoaChuKang Stadium as it's walking distance from Farkhan's place. However, I know I am stronger than this. I can't let trivial matters like this exert influence on me. Hehhhs.

Another nostalgic moment was to watch them play Floorball. I remembered the days when I was in a hockey team back in Secondary School. I think in my entire life, that's the only sport I have ever pursued in. Heh. And the only exercise I have apart from PE. Eventhough we were really bad and got thrashed almost at every match, I had fun playing hockey. Had fun shouting and feeling the intensity and anxiety both on pitch and off pitch.

I should be watching Suci now, but I've watched today's and tomorrow's episode on Youtube. :(

Love, N.

Much Ado About Nothing

2009-05-18T22:40:00.002+08:00

Love, N.

Rooftop Madness

2009-05-17T15:14:00.000+08:00

Is your favourite colour blue?

Love, N.

Mr Jun Jie Woo

2009-05-16T09:58:00.003+08:00

It was Mr Woo's last day yesterday. He's leaving us with teachers who have been in YJ for 10 over years. Even though I'm not in GP's class half the time, I'll miss Mr Woo and his leniency. Maybe that's one of the reason why I'm not really busy with assignments. Because Mr Woo is so laid back. Sometimes, during GP tutorials, we'll be discussing issues about him and his girfriend. Very redundant to GP, yes? Unless Alevels essay topic will be on Romance or Relationship. But that's not the case here. And to be honest, I am not geared for the new GP tutor's arrival. I heard she is the bitchiest, meanest, fiercest teacher. But that's what I heard. We can't solely give judgements upon hearing stories. Stigmatizing someone is wrong, but everyone does it anyways.

On top of that, hanging out with Ayie and Nadia couldn't get any better. We're so compact! Heh.
And Ayie says that I look really fat now. Like fishballs and fishcakes. :(

I came to a conclusion that I must go jogging. MUAHAHAHA.

Happy Belated Birthday Adam Kosnan. ;)

Love, N.

GP Project ; Changes

2009-05-13T22:19:00.002+08:00

So here are the 6 pictures that Ruzanna and I submitted for our GP Project. Hehhss.

On a random note, it's Wednesday. I love Wednesdays cause it's the peak of the week. ;)

Love, N.

June.

2009-05-12T18:39:00.002+08:00

My early in the morning train ride was a little different today. I am a spectator of a couple, ogling with one another in the train. And then, a tinge of enviousness just had to set in. But somehow, the jealousy lasted only for a little while. Very impulsive feelings. Heh. The feelings washed away as soon as I remembered how fatiguing, exhausting and emotionally draining it was to keep the flames burning, to keep convincing myself, and believing that I've met the one. Only to note that with that amount of effort I put in, the flame went off. Even if that's not the case, I kept getting myself burnt.

I ended up getting hurt.

On top of that, it's only Tuesday and I'm looking forward to the weekends already. A little too quick to get distracted. I have to focus during tutorials. Block Tests are coming! :( And believe it or not, I'm so excited for June that I've started to countdown. Hehhhs.

Love, N.

Something New

2009-05-11T16:11:00.003+08:00

I spent my day bringing down old pictures of Farkhan on my noticeboard. Then, I placed it inside the "Black Box". Hehe. Accomplishment, yes? Heh. Since I printed a huge amount of pictures from Saturday, I decided to put some new pictures up. And more will come along the way, InsyaAllah.

Love, N.

Don't Look Back In Anger

2009-05-10T13:01:00.003+08:00

And so, you deleted me from Facebook. I don't know if I should feel sad, angry, disappointed or anything. I think it's extremely immature. Well, and I actually texted you about it. Now I feel so shallow to actually find out why, you're shallow enough to go to such extent of deleting me off your facebook. I don't know what difference does it make, really. But if it makes you feel better, and you think you can move on faster, by all means, I'll accept it.

For months, I think I've done my utmost best to consider your feelings, trying my best not to hurt you. But you always put me in a difficult spot. Claiming that you're alone when that solitude is self-imposed. Honestly, the loneliness you bring upon yourself are effects of your own actions.
You chose not to follow your family to KL, claiming that you wanted to spend the weekends with me. Why put me in such spot? It's not fair for me, really. I have to feel guilty for almost every decision I take when it comes to you. Just to consider your feelings. But have you ever considered mine? Expressing your undying love on facebook, on Baybeats and announcing to all your friends that I am the girl does not make me the happiest girl on earth, trust me. I don't want to sound ungrateful. Honestly, I am happy to have you as a friend. But you refuse to accept that. You wanted more, and when I can't give it to you, you make things so difficult. I never thought that I would say all these to you. But I'm extremely angry at the fact that you're so childish to delete me off from Facebook. Hello, you're 20, so please jollywell behave like you are.
You justify your actions by justifying your puny and feeble self.

On top of that, thanks for being shallow. With that, you've wined my attention, and a 3rd entry dedicated to you. And this will be the last time, trust me. And even after your conscience is cleared, please don't bother readding me up. ;)

Love, Izza.

Favourite Twins Turn 18

2009-05-10T10:04:00.008+08:00

My Saturday was well spent. Even though my legs were begging me for mercy, due to the blisters and amount of walking, it's worth it, really. Even though I was whining to Nazreen how hot it was, and how much I was sweating. I reaped an amazing amount of fun with the girls and the boys. Thank you lovely angels. Hehehe. So here are the pictures, from the preparation at Azza's all the way to the end of the day, spent at West Coast. Saturday was spent revisiting the places that Farkhan and I used to go. But amazingly, it didn't matter to me anymore. :) And another amazing thing is that, I've officially stopped smoking!

To our favourite twins, I hope both of you had fun and love the present. Hehehe. Riah, I know you would!

On top of that, Happy Mothers Day!

Love, N.

My Favourite Twins

2009-05-08T23:47:00.002+08:00

My favourite twins turns eighteen in approximately 10 minutes from now, taking into consideration that I am dedicating this entry to them at 11.50. We have variation of plans for them. After much conferences, brainstorming, and discussing, we managed to come out with a surprise plan. Only to note that you babies will be celebrating your eighteenth birthdays with your family. We all know how excited we can get for birthdays. Hehehe. And trust me, you will definitely love your present. :) Even though we might celebrate it together a little later, I hope you babies will enjoy the surprise. Upon reading your blogs, I am taken aback when you said that no one really cared about your birthdays. Don't be silly girls! We've been talking about it for almost 2 weekssssss. It's just that, we didn't make it very obvious, yes? Nonetheless, happy birthday my dearest girls. And remember, you girls, inclusive of Azza only turns officially eighteen on 20th October. Muahahaha. I love you girls.

Love, Izzababy.

The Mary-s

2009-05-06T20:32:00.006+08:00

Thanks to Facebook, which endlessly comes up with new addictive games. A new addition to my addiction would be Hell's Kitchen. And I swear I get really frustrated trying to reach a satisfying high score. Then I realized that in games, you'll never be satisfied. Until you reach the maximum. Hehhs. On top of that, I had a lovely Wednesday. Cept for the part where I left my wallet at home. -.-

We had our literature play today and I think we focused a tad too much on the costumes, as compared to the content of our drama. We wore wigggggggs.

Love, N.

We Live To Die

2009-05-05T21:33:00.003+08:00

It's Tuesday. Normally, there's a substantial trend of me, whining on Tuesdays prior to PE. But I think I've whined enough today, about my extremely bad hair day and the unexpected 2.4km run. Heh.

I met the girls, after so long, cept that Irah wasn't there and I've missed her alot. Really. I hope you're doing fine B. The girls had this weird issue going on. We talked about life. Heh. Very prevailing topic, yes? Then it hits me that when I was younger, my mother always remind me about what life would be in the later stages. Life isn't as easy as we think it might be. Most people are cruel and inhuman. When I was young, of course it didn't bother me that much. In my perspective, everything seems perfectly normal. The world was revolving and there's nothing peculiar about it. Boys are boys, girls are girls, we hated each other back then and politicians are noble and aristocratic. Heh. Now that I'm older, I observed that politicians were egocentric, affluent people with nice suits and white hair and that boys and girls, they can't seem to get enough of one another. Everything is different as we grow older. At times, it gets scarier.

Whatever issues brought up during the conversation earlier on, leaves a significant impact on me. I'm very afraid of whatever might come in future. :(

Like Adam said, we live to die.

Love, N.

Sungha Jung

2009-05-04T22:35:00.001+08:00

Guess what I'm doing? I'm ogling on Sungha Jung's video. Especially the one that he played Hotel California. I told Nazreen that I can play as well, in Guitar Hero! Muahahaha. We both got 93%, according to him.

Sungha Jung, I love you!

Love, N.

Guilty As Charged

2009-05-03T17:13:00.002+08:00

We've known each other for almost a year. Yet, never once have I given you hope or glimpse of possibilities that we might be together some day. You confessed in front of hundreds at BayBeats. I can't deny the fact that I admire your courage and sincerity. But that still does not give me the reason to love you, more than a friend. You refuse to understand. We're only humans. Our fragile hearts are bound to break. That is something inevitable. We ought to feel sad, but we ought to pick ourselves up and move on. You want to leave singing behind, claiming that I've been your inspiration all along. But you've been singing even way before I met you. Don't act on impulse, please. Because sponatenity doesn't work out all the time. Please try to understand where I'm coming from. I've tried my best to look after your fragile little heart, even if it means forsaking mine. I've tried to be there for you, but I need my own space too. Now that I've finally come to a conclusion, you're blaming me for coming and going as I am pleased. If that's how you see it, then I'm guilty as charged. But trust me, I'm doing this for a reason, which I believe you will understand someday.

I never knew being honest about how I feel could possibly hurt you. You wanted me to be honest, and when I did, you get hurt. So tell me, what should I do?I didn't know my happiness is equivalent to your sadness. You claimed that you feel happy. But you didn't live up to it. Isn't that what love is all about? To feel happy if your love one is happy? Well at least, isn't that what you said to me? That you'll feel happy if I'm happy.

Then why do you have to make me feel guilty for my own happiness?
Why do I have to feel guilty for my own feelings?

You have a bright and promising future. Don't jeopardize it because of me or anyone else.

Deeper Conversation

2009-05-03T09:42:00.002+08:00

The word sorry is used a tad too frequent. To an extent that it no longer have the sentimental values that it caries. Why apologize when you don't learn from your mistake? Why do you reiterate it, when all it calls for is a repetition of the act that warranted it? Why do you degrade and devalue that sincere and heartfelt word which have the potential to save you from widespread condemnation? The more you say it, the more it loses it's remarkable meanings. Why say it when you don't mean it? Why assume that it will make things right again, just by saying sorry? Why say it when you doubt it's true values and you don't live up to it?

This is a deeper conversation I had with myself. I had a weird dream last night. I dream about the last fight I had with the ex boyfriend. The words said were vivid in my head. And sorry, was one of them.

Love, N.

Girls I've Met

2009-05-02T10:59:00.004+08:00

In different phase in life, I'll bound to meet new people whom I call friends, to start of with. Sometimes, I'm lucky enough to meet good friends, sometimes, the friendship ends on a bad note. In YJ, I met a set of wonderful girls who I eventually fell in love with after hanging out together during breaks, the long walk home together, interesting issues to talk about during malay lessons. Interesting issue, note this. It's mostly on boys. There's around 6-8 of us, and all of us can ogle about it all day long, yes? I don't know why, boys are defined as an interesting topic, when most of them are simply not worth it.

Yet, I think true friends are those who have eaten proverbial quantity of salt together, with me. On top of that, spending time with the girls yesterday was an evening of realization. Of how much I missed the cliques of girls that I was once closed with. From primary school, till this very day. From basketball girlfriends, to Pussycat Dolls wannabes, to hypocritical world in Topshop, and now, YJ's girls ( yet to find a perfect name that can describe them )

Eventhough some may turned out sour, I really appreciate these girls.

Enough said. I missed my Babygirls. My favourite Twin plus Azza.

Love, N.

Shady's Package Girl

2009-04-30T14:39:00.004+08:00

Good thing that I'm not in school today. Shady came home early from work with Mumsy. And we spent almost an entire hour talking about the "package girl" who he's very skeptical about. He claims that she is too good to be true, literally. While I on the other hand, feels all excited for him and anticipate to hear more stories about the "package girl". I told him that she might be a gift from God to him as he's screwed up so many times. Plus, opposite attracts you see. Hehehe. I love having this conversation with my brother. We can go on and on about it. I on the other note, am single by choice, not circumstances. Hehe. Now that he has mentioned his package girl, I wonder what's my "package boy" like. Except that, till today, I don't have a perfect definition of a boyfriend? If there's a word that can describe what I look for in a person, would be... HAPPINESS.

Typical answer, yes?

Love, N.

Last Request

2009-04-29T20:00:00.001+08:00

Grant my last request
And just let me hold you
Don't shrug your shoulders
Lay down beside me
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there
Lay down beside me

Love, N.

Invisible

2009-04-28T17:18:00.002+08:00

Despite having a bad hair day yesterday, I decided not to wash it. But surprisingly, my hair behaved really well today. It remained neatly under my royal butterfly hairband. Hah. And I wonder how my body system work. I slept relatively early yesterday, yet I had to struggle to stay awake today. I felt extremely lethargic. Today, I am more convinced that I am invisible, to some people. Chia Ying ran across me during PE. :( And during assembly, I sat in between 2 inconsiderate human beings who decided to beat each other, with me in the center. Next, I'll be waiting for someone who decides to sit on my lap, not realizing I'm there? But Badron relate being invisible to Jessica Alba as she acquire the power of invisibility in Fantastic Four. So I must take it as a compliment. Muahaha.

PE, don't mention it. It feels like giving birth, even though I don't know how giving birth feels like. But I swear it sounded as though all of us were giving birth. We were moaning in pain!

On top of the whining, I am very much addicted to scrabble. And guess what I found on the net? Guitar Heroes online version! Yes, I'm that deprived of games to only find out now. But with scrabble and guitar heroes, I don't think I'll be completing my assignments on time. Just like boys, scrabble and guitar heroes are like my DOTA and Warcraft. Muahaha.

Love, N.

Someday.

2009-04-27T16:05:00.006+08:00

Someday...
The familiar words that you've been wanting to hear,
Escape my lips as I utter,
Your world paused, but mine turns upside down.
Cause deep inside, I am nothing better than a pretender.

Someday...
As I demolished the wall that has imprisoned me,
I let my thoughts run wild and free,
Your world paused, hoping for something new.
Only to note, you're not the one for me.

Someday...
You'll learn to let go.
Just like how I let go.
You'll learn that loving someone, is by letting them go.
Just like how I let go of the ones I loved.

Love, N.

Bad Monday

2009-04-27T15:28:00.002+08:00

I had a rough start in the morning. Am I too small, close to being invisible, or are Singaporeans plainly inconsiderate? I hate to take the train in the morning. Tsk. And then the new attendance taking system, after queuing to tap my ez-link, only to note that my ez-link is not registered, and then I had to rush to the G.O to get it registered, then back to the end of the queue again. Not to mention, I gave out the literature test paper as homework. So much for the responsibility. On top of that, I am extra clumsy today. Today has the highest frequency for the number of times I dropped my phone.

Unpleasant start for the week. But then again, I'll remain buoyant. Who know's what fate might have instore for me? :)

Love, N.

Family

2009-04-26T15:41:00.002+08:00

In case I forgot to mention, apart from studying or having library dates by myself on Sundays, Sundays are meant for family days too. Occasionally. And I enjoyed today pretty much with the amount of laughters reaped together. In this heartless world, family is as good as heaven.

So before I get too emotional, let me end this post here. Afterall, I have plenty to do today. I missed a whole afternoon date with the library. :(

Love, N.

Brunei :(

2009-04-25T09:16:00.002+08:00

I met up with Awi yesterday, also known as Mr Cricket 2 years ago.
He seemed so sure that he's leaving for Brunei in June.
But, it's for his own future.

My Friday was simple and sweet.
No rush, no noise. Just like how I like it.

Love, N.

Love & Lies

2009-04-23T19:39:00.001+08:00

Boys, they're full of it.

Love, N.

I'm Alive!

2009-04-22T20:02:00.004+08:00

At this point of time, I shudder at the thoughts of something new. But I'll try my best to keep an open mind. I was drowning months ago, practically struggling to uplift my head above the surface. But never to the point of complete relinquishment. With that, I don't see why I can't handle a monster, when I've met the biggest monster of all monsters. Heh. I have wonderful people around me. Who helps to resuscitate myself. They thought me how to swim, in case I get drowned again.

On top of that, I am craving for someone who can plays the guitar and sing me acoustic songs. :) I love Wednesdays cause I'll get to spend the first hour of the day with Sivamangaiiii. And I spent almost the entire time singing to her Deeper Conversation. Muahahaha. Apart from that, literature test got canceled. So all the more, I am in love with today. Cikgu drove us to IJC after school for the Sajak Competition which turned out to be fun. Hehsss.

Love, N.

2KM = Milo

2009-04-21T19:57:00.003+08:00

I felt so restless in school today. P.E was as good as military camp. :( We had to run 5 rounds on the track. 5 rounds = 2km. I told myself that I have a long way to go as school only ends at 4.10. I needed energy. And since there's no Redbull in school, I find the best alternative - MILO! Which turn out to not to be effective at all. I am still tired nowwwwwwwwww. There's literature test tomorrow. I'm not even geared for it. What more? I spent my entire Sunday, in the library working on my literature assignment. Only to note that most of them didn't do it and were planning to complete it during the 2 hours break in school.

I have Scrabble now. Who wants to play Scrabble with me?
Hehe.

Love, N.

Lost

2009-04-20T18:40:00.005+08:00

In the midst of this discontentment, in the midst of this frustration, in the midst of this disappointment, I found something that I have acquired, lost, and built up again. Something call strength. A strength to surrender. I don't want to be battered again. Or at least, my heart whisper "Enough." I am not depressed, definitely not. I feel lost, disorientated, emotional and temperamental, but not depressed. I've been hanging on to what I thought was reality. I tried despite knowing permanence is non-existence. I gambled my feelings away. I can't blame you for being a jerk. But I blame myself, for allowing someone like you, attempt to penetrate through my heart. It's my fault. I adhered to what I inherently know are lies and fantasies. Now, I imprisoning myself.

Here, I speak, with all guards down.

Love, N.

The Ungrateful ONE

2009-04-19T17:59:00.002+08:00

I need to rant. Really. I don't normally update multiple post in a day. But this is inevitable. Trust me. I went to the library by myself today, not that its not a norm. I'm pretty much used to it. I enjoy solitary companion sometimes. I even had lunch myself. Which I normally do when I have my library visits. I enjoyed my own company so much that I even diverted all calls. It's been awhile since I do that. The last time I remembered diverting calls was when I was with the Ex. - Major arguements periods. Anyways, that's not the point that I'm trying to bring up here.

What I need to say is that I am amazed at how one can switch feelings so easily. One moment, one will be so infatuated, deeply in love and the next, one will just be not bothered. That boils down to a question - was one even in love to begin with? I doubt so. I think one just wanted to have a little bit of fun. Try one's luck to hit the bulls eye. But when one fails, one does not even bother to pick up the darts to retry. Even if the bulls eye target twice it's size to make the attempt of hitting bulls eye much convenient and feasible, it doesn't leave a huge impact on one?

Thank god, I don't give in easily. We're both adults. I don't see why you should lie.

Love, N.

We Love Weddings!

2009-04-19T09:38:00.005+08:00

Afterparty....

The pictures didn't turned out as nice as I expected, some were really blur. Heh. But the girls had fun spending time together, with no boyfriends today. Thanks Nat for the invitation!

On a heavier note, it's Sunday already. I don't like the aura Sunday has on me. That feeling of school is coming. Contradicting, yes? Cause I claimed to love school. However, there's alot of things due tomorrow. An entire pile of assignments. Which definitely were not assigned for this weekend, but it's been in my to do list since 2 weeks ago? Yet, I did what I'm best at. - PROCRASTINATE. I woke up early today despite sleeping at 3 am. It's been awhile since I stayed up till that late. I'm always tired these days. Like Azza said I sleep and eat alot now. :(

I is scared I become bulat.

Note to self today : Go to the library!

Love, N.

Dan Sebenarnya ( Cover )

2009-04-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

I know we both look like fools, but we had fun anyways. Nyeahhaha.

I love my Saturday. I went to Tampines One and went for a little accessories shopping. The girls and I attended Nat's sister's wedding at Chong Pang. Afterwhich we decided to go over to Azza's place to play scrabble. My favourite twins left early, so it's left with Azza and I. And we came up with a video clip. MUAHAHAHAHA.

Pictures in the next entry! Mwahhhhhs.

Love, N.

Iffah's Eleventh

2009-04-16T20:39:00.001+08:00

Happy 11th Birthday Little Iffah.

and oh my god Mumsy is so mentel today, she's asking for facebook for the 2nd time. -.-

Love, N.

Enough

2009-04-15T20:50:00.002+08:00

In life, you bound to meet some people whom you'll never stop caring for, in ways beyond your own ability to understand. I have my fair share of individuals whom I've loved and lost. Some are no longer in talking terms with me for some indefensible reasons. However, they can never escape from my heart. Inevitably, thoughts of them often visit my mind. Even though it hurts to be reminded of them, I can't deny the fact that there are some parts worth remembering and act as learning points in future. These people hurt, yes, but they have touched my heart, one way or another.

This is to the people who've left, whom I've loved, lost and still loving.

For now, I'm happy with the way things are. For once, I believe in enough.

Love, N.

Bad Tuesday

2009-04-14T17:00:00.003+08:00

PE was torturous today. Even smiling to myself while running, could not succumb to the pain on my chest and tummy. I swear I felt like dying. I thought I wouldn't be here updating. Nyeahahaha. To make it worse, I didn't bring money to school. I pathetically had $1.30 only. Which was barely enough for my daily dosage of 5 nuggets and 3 samosa. I even had to drink from the watercooler, which I've always find disgusting, out of desperate measures. :( My wallet had never been deprived of money to this extent before. I had to use up every single coin, inclusive of 5 cents coins which have been very loyal to my wallet for months! Worst still, it's Tuesday and there is Gado-gado today! And I can't eat it on any other days except Tuesdays. :( I is so sad. Plus, I smell so bad today after PE. Even the air freshner in the toilet smells better than I do. Nyeahahahha! Enough said. I had a bad day.

Plus, I've just figured that in order for me to fit in my class, and not be alienated, I must be engross with a gadget which I have never liked - PSP. (I personally feel that PSP takes away boys attention from girls!) Because during PCCT, my class is like a LAN game shop. Every single one of them will play their games and I became invisible. I should not even bother to come for PCCT. That way, I can end early on Tuesdays and have more free time. I think I don't have enough time to do things that I want to do. How I wish there's 10 days in a week. :(

Love, N.

KL/Cyberjaya

2009-04-13T16:24:00.007+08:00

more pictures on facebook.

So, KL/Cyberjaya trip was awesome. Eventhough KL pretty much was stigmatized as a city of pickpockets or what we called it P.O.J, my paranoia kept me on the safe side. I was extra careful. Heh. Shopping was very bad, somehow. Unsatisfying at all. Nonetheless, the short getaway was alright overall. It really could have been better if I have all my girls there. Look forward to future trips! :)

On the other hand, I'm having a trouble typing on my laptop as the most crucial and essential key on the keyboard is not working properly. - Spacebar. And prior to that, I can't play my all time favourite game on facebook- WordChallenge. I is very frustrated. I have to hit the spacebar at least twice, in order to get it to function. Another thing that pissed me off is my PW result. Very very very major disappointment. -.- B for beautiful, in some people's context, but definitely B for bodoh in mine. :(

Love, N.

Revisit

2009-04-11T08:41:00.003+08:00

Even away from Singapore, and supposedly the possible things that could remind me of the ex, thoughts of him still revisit me once in a while. Except that, it's lesser now. Much controllable. Cause I believe that I should defend myself and my heart from getting emotionally betrothed to the thoughts that lingers.

On the other note, Azza's bugging me to swim. -______________________-

Love, N.

Kamal

2009-04-07T21:24:00.003+08:00

KaMaL says:
kk dedicate today entry for me
KaMaL says:
cepat2
KaMaL says:
kkk
KaMaL says:
set set set?

Like I have a choice? I am politely forced to post an entry about my friend Kamal. So Kamal and I have a common friend - Faizal. Kamal is very funny and he talk nonsense like drinking water, yet he never fails to amuse me one way or another. He bugs me to get him a new pair of shoe, which is NEVER. Even though I've repeatedly tell him that I'll never ever get him a shoe, implying and potraying myself as one selfish bitch, he never seems to bother! HAHAHAHA. Plus, Kamal smokes and drinks alot ( I think? ) And this special entry on Kamal shall end here.

Okay dah!

For some uncanny reasons, I am annoyed with myself for not being athletic, active-frenzied girl. I always find all the reason in the world to skip physical activities and even if I don't, I would have contemplated to. And today, it's a closure for myself and those who have a common feeling when it comes to physical activities with me. The school will be having a make-up PE sessions on Tuesday(s) and Thursday(s) morning for those who did not do PE. To make it worse, it's at 7AM! Although this entry is a tad too long for me to finally come to the conclusion - which is to keep fit, I just had to rant.

Love, N.

Cheap Thrills

2009-04-06T18:23:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I tend to sign up for things, not knowing what it's really for. But yet, the curiosity and spirit of inquiry will overcome the fear of pursuing into something new. I always yearn for something more than what I already have. I'm greedy and I fail to realize that this old habit won't keep me on the safe side all the time. For the past few days, I've been deranged with thoughts. Thoughts that have churned my emotions into incoherent deep and lost-lasting sadness. Somehow, it got me thinking of what I'm getting myself into. And despite knowing the answer, I am not attempting to escape from it. One way or another, I am falling in love with cheap thrills.

I can't deny the fact that I am really ecstatic, elated and amazed at my current state of remoteness. However, concurrently, a tiny part of me is feeling the otherwise. I feel that I am completely ingested by a deep space of insufficiency.

Sigh.

Love, N.

White & Grey

2009-04-05T19:52:00.002+08:00

Hehehe. Kak Yantee's wedding was purely in white and grey. I don't know why I so mentel where gold. -.- The decorations were really nice. I'm so fascinated. Hehehe. But I left the wedding relatively earlier than the rest because I felt out of place. Plus it was raining heavily and all I wanted to do was to go home and nap. Muahahaha. Tomorrow there is school, and I can't wait to get back my econ's tests because Arief will have to buy me chocolates if I manage to pass them. As much as I don't really like chocolates, I am somehow craving for it now. :(

Love, N.

Wedding & Acne

2009-04-05T08:52:00.005+08:00

I HAVE A WEDDING TODAY AND I ALSO HAVE A HUGE ACNE ON MY CHIN! BENCIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.

So everyone has been a little busy with the wedding, except for me. I don't know why I'm lack of family spirit when it comes to my dad's side. And I get all kind of excitements when it's on mumsy's side. Heh. Okay angels, I'll be back with pictures.

And babies, stop asking for a new BIL okay. You think I'm some kind of machine is it. Press button, one BIL come out. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Love, N.

Friday Night = Lovely

2009-04-04T09:42:00.003+08:00

Hehehehe. I'm still feeling Friday, i don't know why. So Friday was supposed to be the babies day out, but the BILS turned up on last minute account. HAHAHA. :O So it was the babies plus the BILS who sooner or later, will not only be 2 faithful person, anymore. - According to Irah. Heh. It really was a pleasant Friday night, spending time with my babies. I love all of you to bits and pieces. Been saying a tad too much of this cause I've been in school everyday while the 3 of them will only wake up when I end school. -.- So during breaks, I'll mentelly compose some sweet sweet text and send it to them. Hehehehe~ On the other hand, we went to a place where the ex asked me to be his girlfriend and I am surprised that I didn't feel a tinge of sadness at all. Rifdi says that I talk about him a little too much as though I'm giving the impression that I'm still pretty much in love with the ex. Which is really not true. Tsk.

Anyways, I had this weird dream last night. I dreamt that Joseph and I went to Ireland together. He said something about some restraunts that closed down, and the jetties are opened, and the beach in Ireland is really pretty. -________________-

Love, N.

Healing

2009-04-02T15:48:00.003+08:00

I can't deny the fact that for such a long period of time, I've been dancing my way through the trials and tribulations. Too much times, I stumbled. Until it reaches a point where it became part of the dance routine. My life have been a pure madness and it still is technically. Just much better now. Because I'm given uncountable opportunities for new beginnings and fresh starts. I am able to unfold things that lies ahead of me with full courage. Most importantly, I am able to breakaway from the perception of my own limitations. Which all this while have restrain me to tapered mindsets. Now, I'm glad that I'm able to see things like a camera with a wide angle lens. I'm glad to meet new individuals who never fail to amaze me with their own persona and stir me to scrutinize parts of me which I never knew existed. As ironic as this might sound, there are some parts of ourselves that we have to forgo, so as to allow the new aspects to set in. For the past months, I went through the most challenging period in my 17 years. And I never knew I could pull it through with so much patience. I've learnt an important yet difficult lesson in life - to let go.

Healing is a process which happens undemandingly.
It doesn't require efforts.
It's only a matter of time.
I'm all well now, and I have no one else to thank except for God, family and friends. ;)

Love, N.

April Fool

2009-04-01T20:56:00.005+08:00

I am bewildered at how a simple and short bus ride could possibly stirred up so much emotions in me. And no, i am not going to borne out the assertion. It's best if I don't mention certain things, to keep myself on the safe side. Hehs. So, I had dinner with the girls today and accompanied Awi while he get to book out for 2 hours. Even though everything was a tad too quick, I'm glad my day ended on a good note. On the other hand, today is April Fool and surprisingly, I only fell for Joseph's trick out of all of the others who attempted to fool me. Nyeahahaha. Joseph's was rather real because it's an issue we've been discussing the previous night. -__________-

Meanwhile, enjoy this angels.

Love, N.

Seize The Day

2009-03-31T18:29:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, I was devil's advocate. All I could think of was to have a good sleep. Be it during lectures, tutorials or breaks. Very, very unproductive. And I couldn't help it but to act out its sentiments. I slept half the time in school yesterday despite of sleeping relatively early the previous night. On the other hand, after weeks of living in fear and attempting to divert away all attention that has got to do with the ex, I finally built up the courage to browse through the old pictures again. Not to mention, I managed to deconstruct fragments of the memories I had with the ex. Kudos to me! I've learnt to appreciate things better now and not to be too fussy and just carpe diam!

So today, I left school comparatively early than the usual tuesdays and rushed to Tanjong Pagar for a purpose, which only I know. Muahahaha~ Went to mum's office and had a long talk with Shady. Only to discover that my brother is such a bastard when it comes to girls. Nevertheless, as a sister, I have no choice but to be on his side. Hehe. I love you Shady!

Love, N.

Ana Banana

2009-03-29T19:58:00.003+08:00

Sometimes Ana just irritates the hell out of me with her infinite amount of questions. Sometimes she irritates the hell out of me with her massive amount of whining. But sometimes, she can make me smile from one end to the another - prior to the picture above. She actually charged my mother when she was told to pluck out mum's white hair and massage her leg. And she actually had a receipt for that. Kids nowadays~ Hahahaha.

Love, N.

I Is Productive

2009-03-28T09:58:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I was almost late for the very first time this year. And I literally run to school with my pink hair band. With that, I vowed to never ever wash my hair under any circumstances in the morning cause it was definitely a hassle. On the other hand, I was rather productive yesterday. Despite it being a Friday and I normally self-proclaimed my Friday to be a holiday, or the threshold to my weekend, I actually sat down and did my tutorials during every single break I had. Huehue. How can I not love school this year? The entire bunch of girls are extremely fun and nice. And it's definitely nicer to be a senior because we can get away with almost anything~ Plus, this year tutors are definitely better then last year's. Except for Econs. I'm still trying to adapt a very traditional and what it seems like conservative teacher.

On a random note, Azza's laptop is very irritating. When I place it on my tummy, and I giggled, everything will close by itself. And she claims that it happens when she blinks her eye. -_______-

Love, N.

I Is Teacher Izza

2009-03-26T16:02:00.003+08:00

Just as I thought today was going to be better than yesterday, I am greeted with a hate tag, again. Nothing new actually. Tsk. Well here's to you, whoever you are. Fancy you pointing fingers at me without any clarification. You're making trivial matters - big. When the victims have already settled things among themselves, here you are blaming me. Obviously, you did not read their blog and mine to catch the rolling ball in the first place. You don't just go around and blame people for other's downfall. Cause as far as I'm concerned, I am not accountable for any criticism especially when it was never my fault to begin with. Then again, why would I want to waste another second typing out a whole junk of reasons why I am not to be blame? It's unworthy it. Somehow, it only makes me shallow to actually figure out why you're so shallow against me. Here's to you, all of us already move on. So you should too. ;)

Woah. 2 Negative entries on 2 conservative days. Definitely unnecessary. But they just pisses me off badly!!!

I am still, an Angry Izza today.

Anyways, some occasions that actually jeopardize my ambition to be a teacher occurred today. Like how I couldn't focus much during lecture, instead my mind got drifted away to....... getting a new hand phone. Nokia E71. I really don't know where that came from. And afterwards, I busily sms-ed around, asking about the price of the phone. HAAAAHA. Secondy, my attempt to actually tutor my classmate for Maths. I needed to explain twice or thrice only to note that she still couldn't understand. I is sad. What if my future students can't understand my teachings? And all of them will fail badly. :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

On a brighter note, I had a lunch date at Swensens with Sivamangai. Hehehe. I love you SM!

Love, N.

You're A Prick

2009-03-25T16:08:00.003+08:00

You're a prick and it goes without saying. I'm amazed at how you can hypocritically claim that you don't wish to back stab your friend and ought to mistreat me in order to make me realize what I'm losing out on. Jeez. And you actually assumed that I mistreated your friend? Tsk. Human beings. There's something in us that is drawn towards negativity. Well, your mistake was to let biasness cloud your judgments. And prior to that, I had to suffer a great deal of humiliation - by you. On top of that, thanks for Strawberry Tea.

Anyways the much anticipated econs test was postponed to next Wednesday and I'm really furious to actually know about it today since I had struggle picking up the notes that were falling in the train while I did my last minute studying. :((((((((((((((((((

I am an angry angry girl today so please stay away.

Love, N.

Emotions Equations

2009-03-24T18:46:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, something relatively simple can be complicated when emotions are equate to it. With this, comes inevitable destructions and perceptible changes in situations. Sigh. At times, I feel that I think too much. But I really can't help it, you know. That's when I spell my own doom for being so cynical.

I need to find my epitome of happiness.
Who'll paint me a thousand rainbows.
Yet, everything seems so simple.

Love, N.

Responsibility

2009-03-23T17:04:00.003+08:00

and I don't have it. Even though it's rather essential to one's character development, I hate to take responsibilities. Maybe because I'm not persistent when it comes to certain things. No, I don't see responsibilities as burdens or obligations, but I'm just afraid that I won't excel in it. A tad too much to handle sometimes. The frustration that engulf me when I fail is definitely pressurizing and I'm not prepared for it.

On a random note, I think literature is sexy.

Meet my lovely niece and nephews.

Love, N.

My Exboyfriend's Girlfriend

2009-03-22T12:16:00.004+08:00

I'll try my best not to be bitchy and tell you to play with vibrator like what you said to me. Honestly, I don't know where did I go wrong. You told Najib to tell me to stop being childish, claiming that secondary school days are over. But I don't remember attempting to get on your nerves or anything. I did not even blog about you, like how you blogged about me. So tell me, where did I go wrong this time? Is it because I put up pictures of Najib and I? I think it's absurd if you're going to go berserk because Najib and I have been friends for more than 4 years. Really. If things between the both of you are unstable, I assure you that I have nothing got to do with it. I don't want to be involve and please stop assuming that I am trying to take him away from you. Like you said, I am better off playing with vibrators. So be it. Haha.

On top of that, if there's anything that you want to say to me, you can text me. Don't have to go through Najib or don't have to post it on your blog. You can get my number from Najib. ;)